So you have survived my first part here goes with the second part1 

K for kitchen and kettle
Kitchen – it is a shared space. Stop using it as your personal dumping ground and expecting the cleaner (if applicable) to clean up the mess you made, they’re not paid to be a personal maid/butler or clean up the questionable substances that are appearing on the counter tops or the bags you are incapable of taking out to the bin. Yes it’s annoying to be the same person emptying the bins week after week but trust me when I say its much worse when they are overflowing, especially in summer. Create a rota and enforce it or take out the bins yourself, but it’s a communal space that everyone has to use so show some respect for your fellow flatmates/housemates and be respectful to the space – and if you make a mess clean it up. Mummy might have cleaned up behind you but your flatmates don’t have to, and won’t, do it yourself or pay the cleaner extra 😊#

Kettle – always full of water (or at least never empty) usually looks like it’s about to implode when boiling and probably due replacement if something doesn’t fuse it first. In the true manner of Britain, offer other people cups of tea and coffee while you’re making yours and you’ll be fine. Don’t ask me how to descale one – I have no idea – we blamed it for fusing the kitchen and got a few new ones.
 
L for living space, laundry, laziness and limits and boundaries
Living space – as all the points thus far have said, you’re all responsible for it, don’t let it become a dumping ground for all the crap that won’t fit in the rooms, by all means use it as a study space but be considerate that other people will want to use the table too, any damage to any of the furnishings report (otherwise kiss goodbye to your deposit), don’t leave it in a mess (especially if a cleaner is coming round), please don’t leave assorted relatives/random friends in the kitchen for someone to discover when they just want a coffee or tea, and if you’ve had a party, don’t leave it to everyone else to clean up the mess – we don’t want to be screamed at by the cleaner and will tidy it but don’t appreciate you going to a club leaving it to someone else to clean when half of us were in our rooms avoiding all your horrible friends (based on true stories).

Laundry – if you don’t want to do your laundry that’s your prerogative, you smelling isn’t my problem. But if you are going to do your laundry, especially in shared laundry rooms (as feature at my student accommodation) can you please please PLEASE (a thousand times) remember to go and get your laundry rather than taking up a dryer/washer for hours on end because you forgot – set a reminder or an alarm – and go collect it. Some of the laundry apps even give you a countdown, use it. Dryers are in precious supply and I don’t want to have to chuck your stuff out of it (never know what you might catch even if it has in theory been washed) but it’s a simple act of respect, please just do it. Otherwise you will find your washing relocated to somewhere else in the laundry room and I won’t be helping you find it. And if by some miraculous turn of events you end up with an unidentified persons’ (likely expensive designer) underwear, do us all a favour and put it in the bin rather than leaving it on the flat windowsill (true story).

Laziness – don’t be. Its okie to have a bad day where you can’t face something but if your laziness starts affecting everyone else that’s a problem – be considerate, a lot of the time in shared living we don’t choose who we live with and we didn’t sign up to be your personal cleaner

Limits and boundaries – don’t push them. Easy. Respect peoples’ boundaries, apologise when you hurt people, and in general don’t be an ass. No one wants to live with someone who is incapable of respecting boundaries and makes everyone feel bad, if you are the reason for someone crying, its time to evaluate your behaviour – especially if you are the cause of MULTIPLE people crying in the same time frame
 
M for mornings, shared milk and mould
Mornings – there is of course the debate to if these actually exist in shared living, I can confirm they do and they are probably the best time of day to do anything unbothered by any irritant you live with. But if you need a hundred and one alarms to actually get up, don’t set one. The rest of us don’t wish to be woken up by it (more on this later). In my experience mornings in shared living are the quietest time on the weekends (or between 2 – 7am on weekdays) and pretty chill on weekdays as most people with morning classes leave half an hour or more before (our campus was pretty big). Basically, don’t be a douche on mornings, leave people to it, and if they’re hungover expect to see them about 5pm in the afternoon and if you did go to your class/job and are asked why, remind them that money makes the world go round and you need your education/job.

Shared milk (and other supplies) – ‘but I don’t like Lidl (other supermarkets are available) own brand washing up liquid or semi skimmed milk’ buy your own then. Shared supplies can help keep a kitchen clean and save a lot of hassle, but they only really work if everyone pays their fair share, and funnily enough they often don’t. if they don’t I'm all in favour of leaving the gone off milk for them to discover so they actually go and buy the new milk that they haven’t paid for since the start of the year. Also, washing up liquid is one of those things where a little goes a long way (not to be confused with other liquids), so please stop using half the bottle on two items and forcing someone else to go buy a new one because you claim going into Lidl will ruin your reputation. Waitrose is an option if you want your Fairy liquid. Oh and when you aren’t sharing ketchup/mayo/etc. PUT YOUR DAMN NAME ON IT the number of mayo and ketchup that no one knew it belonged to in the fridges were ridiculous. I don’t care if its like being back in reception, if someone asks if that mayo is mine once more I will start dolling out to people and putting name stickers on it – and no it isn’t mine and yes I'm sure because I haven’t bought mayo or ketchup all year and if it was mine by some miracle it would be on my shelf.

Mould – this particular section will discuss the mould of my flatmate’s cupboard so if you are of a weak disposition/constitution I suggest you skip this section – I wish I could have skipped this experience. First of all, clippets are a thing, please bring them with you to put on food and check dates on food regularly – and that goes for food cupboard and fridge – if it is out of date (specifically meat) please do not cook it, I am beyond fed up of seeing dark brown mince with black blood leaking onto the fridge shelf (sadly not the bottom shelf either) and it being over a week out of date. If you won’t eat it or use it, don’t buy it or bin it – or where possible donate it. As for the mould story, my flatmate’s food cupboard went mouldy numerous times over the year, over 8 items of SEPARATE food went mouldy and a smell of mould would float through the kitchen whenever his cupboard was open, not to mention the gone off meat, mouldy and fuzzy peppers and kiwi and the pot of pesto that was open since September and only thrown out in February after going furry. Please just be conscious of other people’s health in regard to fridge shelves, and keep an eye on your food, and for the love of all that is good on this earth, if its mouldy or gone off get rid and clean. The flatmate in question never cleaned his cupboard and left a stench of mould and dried flour and rice all over the cupboard stuck to the bottom shelf for our accommodation provider to discover. Just be considerate. And know your food safety lessons and if you don’t, ask Google, Alexa or Siri (other models of annoying voice assistants are available), parents are also an option where applicable.
 
N for noise (and complaints) and some of the author’s most hated shared living moments
Noise – other peoples’ alarms, other peoples’ moans, other peoples’ angry screams. I’ve heard all of it and I’d like to give a special mention to the people in the room above and below mine, below my room his alarm woke up all the surrounding rooms – including me and my flatmate. The girl above me her creaking bed, angry screams at her flatmates and moans went on long into the early hours of the morning. You get pretty used to other peoples’ noise but when you are hearing it all for the first time it feels like everyone is talking through megaphones – my advice is simple, buy some quality earphones/headphones, make your own noise in return and if it gets too bad (like the girl above my flatmate’s smart assistant alarm) message the group chat and ask whoever it is to remember they don’t live in a field or on a different planet and you can in fact hear them, passive aggressive requests do work unless the person is an obnoxious douche in which case revenge via your own noise works well.

Most hated shared living moments – ah so many to choose from but the ones that top the bill are my room stinking of a certain scent when I came back from a morning in the city (we lived in a small town about 20min public transport network away) and the smell wouldn’t clear for over 4hrs of having my window fully open. Being woken up by someone banging down the door in the middle of the night is also up there, long after our entire flat had gone to bed (which was a luxury as everyone operated on different time zones to all extent and purpose) and no one appreciated what sounded like a break in attempt
 
O for oh not again
Oh not again – this relates to pretty much all aspects of shared living, from the noise levels to the fused kitchen and mess of the bottle bag. All of it is relevant and if a polite quiet word doesn’t work then a loud shouted one is the next best thing!
 
P for pests (human and animal varieties), prejudice, and parties
Pests – I was particularly delighted this year to not be on the ground floor for one main reason, it would have been a lot harder for rats to nibble on all the dropped food on the floor, we didn’t have to call pest control (though there was a temptation to call it on flatmates), and this should give you enough of a warning to know that we had issues of cleanliness, lovely. As for the human pests, you unfortunately cannot shoo them from the flat/house, so I suggest reminders that they live with other people!

Prejudice – this is one I could talk about all day and then some, but the upshot is we all have prejudices but shared living is not the place to voice them. After hearing homophobic comments, sexists comments, ableist comments and not to mention racist comments and fetishization I'm more than confident to say that prejudice is alive and well and shared living is a pressure cooker for everyone’s worst opinions. I am going to parrot the words my Mum taught me as a child – if you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all – and that is in regard to everything above and every other prejudice that can directly impact whoever you are living with. This comes back to my jokes section, prejudice isn’t funny and while it is easier to ignore it – especially if you’re used to hearing it – but the only one being shown up is the prejudiced one, ignorance isn’t an excuse for prejudice jokes that can severely hurt other people. Be kind, be understanding and once again apologise when you go too far.

Parties – whoever throws the party, you are most responsible for cleaning it up, whether you live in the building or not. Clean up and don’t leave it to everyone else, once again no one is there to be a personal cleaner, and doing the bare minimum isn’t worthy of a reward. Clean up your mess, and respect that some people will want to go to bed rather than socialise.
 
Q for questions and questioning my sanity (and why I ever decided shared living was a good idea)
Questions – genuine questions are great, we are able to learn from each other and talk about more serious topics or just help each other out, even if that question is how does this hob work? Oh I didn’t turn it on? Whoops. Or the iron needs water? Oh ok, I’ll try again. Questions can be great but as this adjoining section shows, not all questions are good…

Questioning my sanity – I questioned my sanity throughout the year, shared living is a pressure cooker for emotions and can bring out the inner demon of everyone, but when questions get offensive we have a problem. To give an example I'm mixed race, I don’t look British (or sound it apparently) despite the fact I was born here, shared living has turned my ethnicity into a guessing game and left my friends being asked where they are ‘from from’ which is OFFENSIVE and ignorant and not the correct way to phrase this question. You can ask someone’s ethnicity without implying that they don’t belong in the country they are in, and no I'm not happy to be your first mixed race friend so you can get it all wrong with me and respect other mixed-race people, I'm human too and I'm worthy of respect. And no, I won’t be running a module on how to be politically correct because your education of ethnic minorities is from media representation and you chose to skip out on the diversity talk offered
 
R for rice cookers and really ???
Rice cookers – remember that oh so fun story earlier about a faulty appliance that fused our kitchen multiple times per semester? Yep it was a rice cooker, now why did I give this a special mention? Because it pertains to half of what I’ve already said. Clean your appliances, do your washing up, especially on the rice pan of the rice cooker and the space below it (the one in my kitchen was meant to be white but was actually brown), and if it fuses don’t bring it. We had to call up a maintenance person every month or so in the end and lied about what had set off the fuse and left our kitchen unusable (as most devices were turned on all the time) – we got several new kettles and toasters that passed the PAT test because people told the maintenance guy the rice cooker was fine (it would have easily failed a PAT test).

Really ??? – do you really not know how to empty a lint filter when there is literally a step by step guide right next to the dryer to help? Oh of course you don’t, let me just do that for you like how the rest of us have just cleaned up after you, washed up your stuff and helped you organise your week because you don’t understand time management. No. stop being a brat and learn how to be a responsible adult.
 
S for substances, sinks, smells and yes size does matter (again probably not in the way you are thinking of)
Substances – the illegal and messy variety. From the unidentifiable stain on the counter top, to the white power on the floor to the hundredth and one vape that is floating around the kitchen, to the green stuff on the table and the half rolled roll your own cigarettes on the side, I’ve seen almost all of it in 9 months. No I don’t like it, I don’t smoke and I most certainly don’t do drugs especially not class A or B, does that mean I stop other people, no. If you’ve decided you are going to do it nothing I say is going to change that, but clean up after yourself. The cleaner or anyone else shouldn’t have to clean up the powder that got everywhere and I'm not touching it, and if someone from maintenance calls I will be the first to declare it isn’t mine, your body your choice but I'm not coming with you to A&E when you took a dose too strong and leapt from the sofa and headbutted the table claiming you could fly nor will I be tucking you into bed because you want Mummy and your ex and all the rest of it (true story).

Sinks – don’t put food down them or oil unless you are volunteering to unblock it. Thanks.

Smells – cooking smells are expected and normal what isn’t expected is to have my room stinking of a certain drug that I can’t clear nor did I ask for my room to smell of this. You live with other people, be considerate for the smells that you are creating in the block especially ones that can float through those fire doors and insert themselves into someone else’s room and not clear. Yeah not pleasant. Be responsible. Also if you are going to be create smells (regardless of your neighbours), please don’t cover it with Febreze – it makes it smell worse, and does nothing to hide what you’ve been doing while everyone was either out of the building or in their rooms and not babysitting you (because guess what our rent doesn’t get paid back to us for looking after our flatmates/housemates – shocking right)!

Size does matter – if you were thinking I was about to divulge some of the stories about my flatmate’s sexual performance you would be wrong (no one should have to hear those stories), but the size of the items you bring to shared living do matter. My flatmate (the very same mouldy cupboard and fridge shelf) bought with him a HUGE wok that took up the entire hob space and almost all 5 rings. Yes all 5. Just be considerate that you aren’t the only one living there and if your items are oversized like the wok in question then wait till no one needs the hob – it isn’t reasonable to expect five people to wait because you have a huge saucepan/wok/etc. oh and for the record, I don’t care to know about my flatmate’s sexual performance – though I have been told by numerous sizes. There is no such thing as secrets in shared living.
 
T for toilets, and takeaways
Toilets – this one goes out for my poor friends living in shared bathroom situations, I had an ensuite during my first year at uni but my friends in catered halls have shared with me their horror stories from shared bathrooms and from my NCS experience in shared bathroom halls there is a lovely little etiquette that everyone should maintain. First of all, leave the bathroom how you would want to find it, it’s not a plane bathroom so really the floor shouldn’t be wet. And when you use the toilet, hit the flush after. My friend from catered halls told me a story about her going to the bathroom to find the person before had left a little present in the bowl of the toilet and not flushed! Grim. She proceeded to educate said person (after banging on all the doors surrounding the toilet) on how to use the flush. Just be decent. It’s a shared bathroom, not your own private one, and other people have to use it, show some respect. And remember the mile high club doesn’t exist on the ground.

Takeaways – lovely that you can afford them on a weekly basis (on top of that weekly grocery shop ordered and paid for by Mum) but what’s not so lovely is the inability to put the delivery bags and boxes in the bin. While I understand that a lot of people have clearly had a cleaner following them around from a young age, said cleaner in shared living (if applicable) isn’t paid to clean up after every individual member of the flat. I suggest that rubbish finds it way to a bin or we can relocate your mattress into one of the huge bins outdoors and you can spend a night surrounded by trash that people are actually capable of throwing out to teach a lesson. Up to you but I know which one is easier as mattresses do tend to weigh a lot.
 
U for understanding and paying back people you share Ubers with
Understanding – you don’t have to instantly understand why a flatmate/housemate is upset, but being considerate and attempting to understand goes a long way towards making the whole shared living experience that much easier and more pleasant and if you can’t understand – fine – then don’t be that one person who just has to say ‘you’re being childish’ funnily enough that isn’t going to make it any better and just shows you up as one heck of a insensitive douchebag – there’s already a growing list of these and if you want we can pencil your name in at the bottom too – we can even host douchebag of the year award and offer a plastic trophy if you’re horrid enough 😊 all expense spared for the people who give no concern for anyone else.

Ubers – (pertaining more to student accommodation or if you really like your flatmates/housemates) I'm not sure where people started thinking they didn’t have to pay people back for a shared Uber but apparently people don’t think they have to. So, here’s your reminder you do. Don’t be a douche, pay when they ask, pay for your share (and cover someone else if they aren’t able to pay at the time), and if you don’t like splitting taxi costs (which at 5am when you are cold and tired and makes it a lot cheaper) you can get the bus home, its one every hour and half the time its too packed to fit you because a load of other people who hate splitting taxi bills will be there, but the choice is yours.
 
V for visitors, vacations and vacuum cleaners
Visitors – it’s so nice to know that people have friends but if you know your friend is particularly problematic, then
A. warn the people you live with and
B. this ‘friend’ better be on their best behaviour otherwise someone will more than happily take them down a peg or ten.
And if your friend happens to have wandering eyes, don’t make me suggest I can help relocate the eyes, no one likes a perv. There are sites for people who have wandering eyes and a partner and no I am not on one of those sites. On the reverse, treat visitors well and it’ll make their stay (however long they stay past their welcome) slightly easier than it may otherwise have been but similarly if they’re a pain then hey, might as well make it known to whoever in the building is actually friends with them for some strange reason.

Vacations – clean up before you go on them, don’t leave all your stuff in the drying rack when you know you won’t be there, throw out all your food that will go off while you are away and don’t bother to give me the hourly updates on which overpriced restaurant you are going to in Italy or that the yacht you hired in Monaco off daddy isn’t big enough. I will be enjoying five minutes without the whining, no need to update me. if you need me while I'm away, no you don’t, I’ll get back you to in 50 or so working business days and if its an emergency, call someone else, happy vacay!

Vacuum cleaners – another one for please learn how to use basic cleaning equipment and not leave communal spaces in a mess. If you want to live in a mess that is your call but the vacuum cleaners don’t have a fee to use or a pay per minute of usage charge, and they even plug into the wall! Amazing! So please use them. I’ve vacuumed and mopped the flat kitchen, is it a lovely job? No not really, but if the cleaner isn’t coming for a few days (or a few weeks) then it’s the least you can do to keep the space clean and stop pests getting in (the human and animal variety)
 
W for washing up and working schedules
Washing up – leave those dishes on the side unwashed for more than two weeks and I will be putting them in the bin (I’ve seen people do it on tiktok and I will do it too), I cannot even begin to explain how grim it is when a week old plates and bowls are left out with food stuck to the sides, even twelve hours is grim when its dried egg and no hot water to stop it sticking. If you can’t do your washing up that moment or want to eat or whatever, fine, but do it within the same day, no one wants to come into the kitchen at 7am before a lecture to see last week’s dinner still sat in the unwashed bowls on the counter. I would have thought this was common sense but from my experience it isn’t, I will sit up with you if you need company just so the washing up is done and I can risk entering the kitchen in the morning without feeling sick. Also washing up liquid goes a long way and there are water shortages so stop leaving the tap running when you are scrubbing the week old stain that wouldn’t be there if you’d done your washing up after you’d eaten/come back from class or your work.
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Work schedules – everyone works different schedules for when they study e.g. some people study all the time and some people never pick up their laptop to do any actual work, fine. But don’t be that one person that disturbs people who are trying to work or question why they are doing work. If anything, I found sitting in the library was often the best way to ensure I actually got work done, undisturbed and without the screams from others demanding attention. Shared living often resembles a nursery more than a place for young professionals or students. And no, I'm not kidding. But if your fellow shared living peers are acting too annoying or bratty maybe buy them a dummy of some sort to keep them occupied and out of your hair, and if that doesn’t work, I'm sure when their parents visit they’ll tell you what a good job you are doing living with their child and how impressive it is that their child hasn’t wound up having something thrown at them. If only the parents knew…
 
X for author funny moments (as I couldn’t think of anything relevant under x)
Author funny moments – this one was hard to come up with, a lot of the humour from my stories of shared living come from the stupid antics as opposed to the genuinely funny, but one thing that amused all of us in shared living was the quotes bank we had. A list of weird and wonderful quotes from members of the flat that had happened at one point or another ranging from comments on height, what age was right for a sugar daddy/mommy/parent and how long it took to cook a chilli that the recipe said was supposed to take maximum two hours and took closer to four!
 
Y  for why are we still discussing this?
Why are we still discussing this – if this is something dumb that we’ve been talking about for more than 10 minutes – probably to do with someone’s inability to use common sense, take it up with them, I have a date night with my bed and I just cannot miss it again. Oh and I have notes to take too. But mainly date night with my bed, toodles!
 
Z for zzzzzzzzz sleepy bed time
Zzzzzzz sleepy bed time – this brings me nicely to the end of the a-z and no, if I'm sleeping I don’t wish to be disturbed unless someone needs serious help e.g. medical attention, not if you’ve broken a nail or lost your bottle opener or the grinder you used last week that is broken but works enough to be used has grown legs and walked out of the building. I want to be asleep before 2am on a week night and I don’t want to be woken up by your drunken antics, your visitor who is getting very friendly with you or your phone playing music on full blast while you practice your fashion show strut down the corridor. Call me picky but I like undisturbed sleep. I may not look good in prison overalls but I'm sure I can think of a way to make sure you won’t disturb my sleep again. Yes, some people will sleep at 10pm and some won’t sleep till 5am – each to their own – but don’t be a douche and be so noisy that anyone hoping to sleep, is unable to. Also don’t text me as part of your drinking game, no I don’t want to come out and spend 7 minutes in the kitchen cupboard with you. Goodnight.
 
So there you have it, how not to be a totally awful flatmate, and if you get it wrong after this, I won’t be refunding your time for reading. Some flatmates are lovely human beings with common sense, self awareness and general standards of cleanliness, they’re heaven sent and make tolerating the less pleasant ones easier. But just in case you don’t get a house/flat of lovely people, this guide will be here to help. Good luck, and I sincerely hope from the bottom of my heart, you aren’t the awful flatmate I find myself living with this year, so like all the privately educated students I’ve come across say in their expensive southern accents, bye for now.

​I wouldn’t honestly have thought this would be required as a lot of it in my opinion is common sense, but apparently people skipped the lessons on how to not be a nightmare to live with and judging from my experiences of shared living this last year (which I'm for some reason repeating next year) and the pictures I have seen of the different properties, this is very much required. So here is a crash course in how to be the perfect flatmate/housemate, or at least not be the worst one to live with, what to do and what not to do, and if you’re still a nightmare to live with after this – I suggest you write an apology to the poor mortals living with you 😊
But let’s get into it.
 
A - arrival, arguments and appliances
Arrival – arrival is probably the most nerve wracking part, you likely don’t know who you are living with and if you do know them it’s still nerve wracking, my advice? Arrive at a timely manner – not where you are going to wake up the entire neighbourhood, and move in quickly (yes, even if you have a ton of stuff), claim your cupboards/fridge/freezer space and get used to your new surroundings – and if you’re playing music while unpacking, most shared living walls are thin so it’s probably best not to annoy your new housemates in the first five minutes (you can start annoying them after about half an hour).

Arguments – yes inevitable, act like adults (not the childish rubbish of ignoring someone just because they don’t agree with you or being a spoilt brat because daddy also pacified you with money), listen to their feelings (you don’t have to agree with them but there is usually something we can all learn) and don’t reduce to screaming, pushing fingers in faces or physical commotion, no one wants to call the police on their housemates but it’s an option.

Appliances – yes they are shared, yes that means you are ALL responsible for keeping them in a decent state and not melting plastic into them, leaving them filthy or just in general being dirty (more on this in hygiene) it isn’t ok to leave appliances in an useable state, just consider how you want to find those appliances to use and then treat them accordingly, it’s not that complex. It also means you are responsible for reporting them when they are faulty rather than letting someone else discover it when they come to make food – most likely when a maintenance person can’t come out
 
B - bratty behaviour, budgets and beds
Bratty behaviour – ah yes, I'm sure many of you would expect that living in shared living means you’ve long outgrown the bratty behaviour and would expect that people are responsible for themselves and don’t expect a cleaning fairy to turn up to follow them round. Unfortunately, you would be wrong, the bratty behaviour that you would have thought wouldn’t have lasted past 10 does in fact last past 18 and rears its ugly head in shared living, quite badly too. From the entitlement complex of ‘why should I clean up my mess in the shared living space’ to demanding attention from flatmates over the most ridiculous of things, to temper tantrums that Taco Bell (other fast-food chains are available) dared to leave the cheese in the taco, yes it has happened. Shared living is the grown-up version of Toddlers in Tiaras except the toddlers are in adult bodies and the tiaras have been replaced with designer brands but the entitlement brat complex is still the same. My suggestion is buy a pair of earphones and keep them on you at all times to put in, and if there are complaints about food places not doing a meal right, suggest they might like to work there (as they are most likely unemployed following their gap year of sun tanning) – that will shut them up quickly, you’re welcome. 😊

Budgets – something that is rarely covered in school and apparently not taught to many of my friends, budgets are so important in shared living. So, is paying bills first – which apparently isn’t a priority for a lot of people? Very strange. Moving to new cities and towns offers a lot of opportunities to spend a lot of money in very short amounts of time (and most specifically in clubs and bars where paying through phones is apparently too easy), and spending beyond your means is way too easy! I suggest a budget on what you have to buy, what you want and what can wait. I know multiple people who could blow anywhere between £500 a month up to £2000, it is so easy to be swept up in the keeping up appearances of continually going on European holidays, expensive clubbing events in other cities (usually miles away) and paying for rounds of drinks for people you don’t know. Just remember that debt is a real thing and you can have fun without blowing the same amount as other people – who likely are living off their parents’ money and have very little interest (or understanding) for people who work for their money.

Beds – beds do creak, and yes the walls tend to be thick enough that you can’t hear it in the rooms either side but let me just assure you, you can most definitely hear the beds above and below you (special shout out to the girl in the room above me who was getting action every week and made no secret of it), good for you if your bed is creaking, sucks for the rest of us though, especially when we are woken up by it at 4am just saying – even worse if it includes a soundtrack that goes through the floor and ceiling. By all means enjoy shared living without parents but for the love of my sanity, please remember the rest of us didn’t sign up for a  soundtrack subscription, let me assure you no one is interested in hearing your rendition of Fifty Shades!
 
C - cooking and celebrations
Cooking – a necessary part of self catered living and yet still so difficult to master. I for one despise cooking, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to be able to use the kitchen when its time to eat, no you can’t leave your jacket(s) on the breakfast bar or your laptop and books all over the kitchen table, yes you do need to clean the grill after using it and please stop fusing the kitchen. Don’t comment on what other people are eating, be considerate about how much space you are taking up in the kitchen to allow other people the space to cook and please don’t poison your flatmates (no matter how tempting it may be)!
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Celebrations – a social ‘fun’ part of shared living (especially in student accommodation) is the insistence to celebrate nearly everything. Halloween is the big one that comes to mind and how I spent over an hour stood on the horrible plastic chairs sticking little plastic confetti bat after bat onto the cupboards, my haunted memories of this aside, living in shared living offers a great opportunity to meet new people who are invited to celebrations and enjoy the various festivities throughout the year – even if it does include dressing up in often cringe basic themed costumes – I lost my fairy wings in a club to the dismay of my mum! I think she secretly wanted them!!
 
D  for deliveries and departures
Deliveries – it is almost inevitable that shared living will mean you’ve either forgotten something or it has miraculously grown legs and left the communal space where you are certain you put it, and so you will likely spend a disproportionate amount of time sat on Amazon, eBay or anyone else who can possible help you find what you’ve lost, buy that textbook that the module insists isn’t mandatory but will ‘make your studies easier’ or buy that housemate you don’t consider injuring a birthday gift as a reward for not being a total nightmare to live with (a rare occurrence). Of course chasing couriers around is a great form of exercise but if your housemate has had something delivered just be a considerate human and take it inside with you – same goes for mail and other parcels – and leave it in the communal space, it’s a little act that takes maybe two minutes extra but is a welcome relief to not have to scramble over other parcels and through dozens of letters to find something addressed to you that hopefully isn’t covered in footprints. But if you are planning on stealing mail – for whatever reason – just remember its against the law to open letters not addressed to you! 😊

Departures – put simply this is an easy one, pack up your stuff, clean your spaces in the communal area (cupboards, fridge shelf and freezer drawer), leave your room better than you found it (you want your deposit back don’t you?) and move out efficiently. Yes loading cars/vans takes a while but if international students can be packed in less than an hour you don’t really have an excuse. Take your rubbish to the bin (and if you haven’t found the outdoor bins by now I'm outright concerned), clean the floors and all surfaces (Covid19 is still a thing and I don’t want to know what you’ve gotten up to for the last however long), to be frank I don’t care if you take UV light to the entire room, just make sure it’s’ clean to a high standard. If you are moving out last, it’s your responsibility to check the house/flat doesn’t look like a garbage bin vomited over it, hand back your keys, sign out officially of paperwork and be goneeeeee!
 
E for eating and eejits
Eating – this one is a big one to me at least, not everyone is comfy eating around unknown people, and people commenting on food is really not helpful. If your flatmate isn’t eating or not food you personally like, etc. then please don’t make a big deal of it, you never know what people struggle with and asking pointed questions about why they won’t eat around certain people or in the kitchen, etc. is not the helpful polite question you think it is.

Eejits – aka idiots. And a lot of them live in shared living – get used to it soon or you’ll never stop being amused by the level of stupidity that is possible to stoop to. Yes people do cook meals of pasta hash browns and fish fingers, no I'm not joking, yes people faceplant the floor from someone’s shoulders when drunk and yes some people play Overwatch while under the influence at 4am – this is normal for a lot of shared living, in the real world it sounds stupid but trust me you get used to it, and surprisingly fast – at least you’ll have interesting memories and stories for after you move out
 
F for faulty appliances fuses, fire alarms, flatcest (university students), and human fuses
Faulty appliances – friendly request, if you know your appliance is faulty and/or isn’t necessarily in ideal state e.g. will fuse the kitchen every time it is used (yes this happened to me – multiple times a semester), kindly don’t bring it to shared living with you. I cannot explain how annoying it is when someone’s faulty appliance (that would fail a PAT test with flying colours) fuses the entire kitchen – and this is even more annoying when you don’t have access to the fuse box to flip the switch and get the kitchen back to normal. If it doesn’t work or not to the standard where it would pass a PAT test, don’t bring it. Simple.

Fire alarms – I’d like to begin by saying whoever set the fire alarm off in my block three times in one week at 4am, 5am, and 6am respectively – you are a horrible human being. Yes our fire alarms were incredibly sensitive, the steam from the showers set off the alarm (interestingly smoking certain substances indoors didn’t, as tested by other people not me), and of course they are a necessary irritant (a bit like certain flatmates), when moving into shared living – similar to getting on a plane – tampering with the fire alarms, can incur a fee and irritated accommodation representatives, as well as flatmates who are fed up of the kitchen stinking of weed at all hours (or worse our rooms – my neighbour hotboxed his room when I had gone out and I couldn’t clear the smell from my room for over 4 hours, my flatmate was also affected who was suffering from a migraine at the time). Just be sensible, leave when the fire alarm geos off, ignore (and learn) the test time, and don’t tamper with it, it might just save your life (because if its your fault the building is on fire, I won’t be volunteering to go back in and find you).

Flatcest – (uni students rise up) this is a word I cannot stand but is pretty important from stories I’ve been told and what I’ve witnessed, for those of you who are innocent to what flatcest is. It's starting a relationship with your flatmate and it usually ends in tears and the flat not speaking for a while! Not to be confused with blockcest – which is also a disaster. It’s a miracle people still think this is a good idea, and after hearing the stories of heartbreak I don’t know why anyone would bother but people do.

Human fuses – I'm going to honestly suggest if you are easily bothered by other people, their mess and their personalities, shared living is not ideal for you, you have to be incredibly patient even when someone is sitting and bouncing up and down on a huge neon coloured space hopper right on top of your last nerve and keep your fuse for as long as possible otherwise it’s going to be a very difficult term of however long your contract happens to last, good luck if your flatmate/housemate gets off on annoying the living daylights out of everyone in sight just remember prison uniforms aren’t a good look.
 
G for gripes (and charts and graphs)
Gripes – complaints, irritation and annoyance, all normal parts of shared living that can escalate incredibly quickly if someone isn’t pulling their weight. Some people simply don’t care to listen to the gripes that revolve around their lack of helpfulness – in which case I suggest piling all the crap they have left out/refused to tidy/’forgotten about’ into one of their bags – which will no doubt by lying about – and leave outside their room for them to fall over whenever they materialise from their room. Yes it’s annoying tidying up after people and no you shouldn’t have to, but if actual conversations aren’t working, I suggest you just go right ahead and tidy up their stuff, it’s a win for the rest of you as the communal space won’t look like that person’s room had diarrhoea all over the communal space and it might get the message through finally. If not you could try the idea my flat came up of which was a box to put all the flatmates stuff in and dump it outside their room every week. Good luck, you are going to need it!

Graphs and charts – (pertaining more towards student shared living) another one for my uni students, the graphs and charts which feature but are not limited to shag, cry, gone home, kiss, left club first, funnels (I don’t wish to explain this one please ask google) and chunder (vomit) (other ideas are available). They can be a bit of fun or hellishly annoying and if your chunder is over 15 in one semester, perhaps lay off getting so drunk. The chart is also usually in the kitchen (or at least was for us) and I’d suggest you perhaps don’t want your parents having clear insight into what you’ve been doing when you said you were too busy to come home. Our flat started with chunder and cry and then added all the others – much to some parents shock, maybe don’t leave your parents unattended in the kitchen where the chart is clearly visible, and can be helpfully pointed out by the flatmate who is fed up with you.
 
H for hygiene (of you and the place you are living) and heating
Hygiene – this is something I really would’ve thought most adults would be able to understand without explanation but apparently not. So let me make it nice and clear, keep communal space clean, do your washing up in a timely manner, if you make a mess clean it up and don’t leave it for someone else to discover. If you choose to not shower or whatever – grim but it’s your decision and if you are a particular fan of Lynx Africa, please remember some of us have shoddy lungs and the smell makes our lungs clog up and us feel sick, thanks for the attempt at personal hygiene and the liberal use to mask the scent of sweat from a gym session but your vapes are enough to screw with my lungs, we don’t need to add aftershave and various sprays on top.

Heating – I'm sure by now we are all aware that the heating bill cap is coming off and this of course means people are going to need to be even more careful with their heating bill use, and in the worst case decide whether to heat or eat. But in shared living being careful with heating is even more important, especially if the tenants are in control of the heating, it should go without saying don’t have it on high and leave the building or open the windows (yes, I know people dumb enough to do this), just remember you are going to be the ones paying the bill at the end and if you are happy to pay the bill for unreasonable usage then by all means, but I for one wouldn’t be
 
I for illness, ironing and its not fair (tough luck)
Illness – an inevitable part of shared living, from freshers flu, to every cold going to the dreaded C-19 word, they all happen in shared living (and I'm not covering STIs – google your clinics) and yes they suck when one member gets every cold going and brings it back to share the love with everyone else! Take multi vitamins, wear a mask (controversial I know), and go to the GP when you clearly aren’t getting better, and if said person keeps getting colds, ask them to keep away from you. It’s inevitable and no one likes being unwell so be nice to the unwell person, offer to get their shopping for them when you go or pick up cough syrup (especially if they’ve woken up the entire building with their coughing) and in general treat them how you’d want to be treated if it was you who was unwell – plus you’ll probably be unwell in a few days anyway from all the sickness particles so best to get on their good side so they’ll return the favour further down the line.

Ironing – irons need water. Please remember that. That’s it – our iron wasn’t used very frequently.

It's not fair – if I got a pound for every time I heard this saying in 9 months I wouldn’t need to be at uni, I would have retired to my own private island and be living it up on luxury yachts, unfortunately I don’t get paid a pound (sad times) but did have to listen this a lot. Sure, life doesn’t go your way all minutes of the day but the whining about everything is going to grate on peoples’ nerves eventually – especially if it’s your own fault that whatever it is isn’t going your way. Friendly reminder, you’re entitled to a moan but if that moan goes on for days on end at the expense of others, maybe get a diary to whine to instead the rest of us, we aren’t therapists and don’t wish to be for free either, however counsellors can be obtained through a simple google search – and if you insist on using me as a therapist, my hourly rate starts at £45 an hour 1
 
J for juices (and probably not the kind you are thinking of) and jokes
Juices – ah yes, I'm sure this raised a few eyebrows (namely what the heck is this girl going on about) well I have a particular uni story about juices, chicken juices. Defrosting chicken for dinner to be specific. I couldn’t care less what people eat in the evenings, I really don’t care as long as they don’t fuse the kitchen (as discussed above) but one thing I cannot stand is bags of defrosted chicken with the chicken juice sweated off, left on the side like someone else is going to clean up after it. I wish I was kidding but I'm really not. It’s grim and I don’t want to catch something off it. Deal with it yourself and don’t leave it around for the rest of us to catch something off. As for the other form of juices (that I'm sure everyone assumed I was talking about) if I don’t have to hear it, see it or clean it, I couldn’t care less. But defrosted meat juices is something I really cannot stand or wish to deal with (especially not the following morning) – put simply, don’t be an unreasonable jackass.

Jokes – everyone has their own strand of humour and some will have a darker sense of humour, fine, but when your ‘jokes’ are hurting people its time to stop – I didn’t think I would have needed to spell this one out but after being fetishized for a year, and jokes made at the expense of my ethnicity it felt relevant. If it’s not something people can change in five min e.g. lipstick on teeth, sweat patch, etc. don’t mention it and if someone is even remotely hurt by it then stop. And apologise. Simple. I don’t know why this is so complex to people in shared living but if you are one of the people with a habit of taking jokes too far, now might be a good time to reflect .
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Working with anyone takes time to adjust, especially if you are used to doing it all yourself.
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The first thing you need to do is be prepared to trust your VA and yes this does take time, but communication, information and a degree of patience are key to a successful working relationship, on both sides. 

Before you start working with a VA it is a good idea to ask around your network for recommendations and then arrange a free discovery call. Most VA's offer this and it gives both you and the VA the opportunity to decide whether you are a good fit. 

Key questions to ask include
Are they insured? What type of insurance do they have?
Are they registered with the ICO?
What is the cost per hour or do you need to buy a package?
What is their availability?
What tools do they use?
How do they communicate with their clients?

Following on from your initial call if you are a good fit then expect to receive a contract to sign outlining your VA's terms and conditions along with a description of the services and hours contracted. I always recommend an initial paid block of 10 hours, as this gives you the opportunity to work together and see how you both get on.   

Once you have both signed the contract and made payment, then expect to spend approximately an hour going through everything on a call, in more detail. This will depend on the complexity of the work and with good email communication maybe reduced or the need eliminated.

It is often helpful, especially in the initial stages to arrange a regular check in as this helps to answer any questions and reduces the risk of miscommunication.

Communication really is key - your VA needs information in a timely fashion! The more you give them when onboarding the better, even if it does feel like overload to you, your VA will sort out what they need to know. While experienced in their field they are not an expert in your business and systems or mind reading! My crystal ball might need polishing but I am not effective if you don't communicate with me.

Please don't expect me to second guess what you want. While property does have sequences and steps all clients work in different ways. Some are happy for you to get on with all the onboarding without any intervention from them, while others want to know everything, which of course as the client is your prerogative, but micromanaging isn't helpful and this is where you need to learn to trust your VA and that if they are unsure they will ask. Agree the steps and then let them get on with it.

I have worked with clients over the years, who don't want to be involved with anything, do everything themselves, ignore the uncomfortable things, or practice radio silence all of which are equally frustrating, for different reasons. It is about getting the right balance for you and your business. Some people really aren't ready to work with a VA and that is fine, but burnout is a real thing and nobody can do everything on their own! But learning to let go of your business baby is equally hard. 

Honesty is essential for both the client and also the VA. I would far rather a client tell me when we are working together, if it isn't working for them. Flexibility is the key, then we modify things and if the doubts still persist then better to part company.  My integrity and the ability to sleep at night are far more important to me than anything else

Boundaries & availability - be honest about what you expectations are. Are you looking for cover outside standard working hours? Some VA's do offer this but many choose not to and as a business owner can decide what works for them. Do you need somebody available Monday to Friday, during standard office hours or can your work be done in the evening and at weekends? How quickly do you expect a response from your VA?

Many clients are entrepreneurs and work on multiple projects at different times of the day and night. if this is you then fine but as the VA you might want to silence your notifications as being woken up at 4am by multiple notifications causes sleep deprivation and insomnia! I turn my phone off at night so this isn't a problem but the early morning scrolling through your emails can incite panic and the need to start work there and then! 

If your VA tells you that they work certain hours please respect this and don't expect replies, outside of this. This is common sense but I have worked for clients in the past who don't know where to find things, even when you have told them on multiple occasions and then decide to interrupt you on a Sunday afternoon for details. This is not okay and yes I no longer work for the client.  

Yes emergencies do happen and just occasionally projects might overrun and need to be worked on outside of normal hours. A lot of VAs can and will accommodate this and this should be clear in their terms and conditions.  If you think this might happen please be upfront about this and if your VA can't accommodate this they might work in a team or have associates, so you have double the knowledge. Personally bookkeeping is something I avoid, it is specialised and I have no wish to do it, so I always find someone else who can.

Saying please and thank you - just three simple words but these mean everything and make you feel great about yourself. Trust me as a VA this can make or break your day. Yes there really are people out there who rarely say please or thank you and as a parent two of the first words we teach our children!

These are just some of the things that I have learnt from working with clients over a number of years. 

Not all VA's are equal! Unfortunately in recent years becoming a VA has been marketed as a great side hustle with comments like all you need is a laptop and an internet connection, which of course are not helpful and completely false. As you can see you need a lot more than just a laptop and internet connection.