Boundaries!

I have debated long and hard whether to write and share this post, but I have decided that even if only one person reads this and gets it then it has been worth writing it and it is cathartic for me. 

This year has not had the greatest start and last week I realised just how tired I was and in need of a day off!

For context my Aunt passed away mid January she had been ill for a while but it was still a shock when my other Aunt called me to tell me. She couldn't get hold of my Mum who lives 2000 miles away and is 2 hours ahead. I am really and truly a sandwich gap person. I called my Mum to let her know as it was nearly 8pm there and then called my adult daughter who is 70 miles away and then called my Aunt back. In between this the client who I work for slightly later in the day I quickly messaged and said I was finishing for the day and would be back the following day.
We were in limbo for 10 days waiting for the funeral arrangements and throughout this time I advised my clients the following day I was working and available but might not be so quick to respond as usual.

Anyone who knows me well know I tend to be someone who just gets on with things and that was what I did, from helping my parents arrange flights, organising the taxi picking them up, to hiring a car to drive them to the funeral. I hate driving to places I don't know and even more so when I know that some of the return journey will be in the dark. I don't own a car or drive regularly and my anxiety over driving has increased since a road rage incident last year. If I didn't have to drive every again I probably wouldn't be too sad.  

The same week was my daughter's 21st birthday and we had a weekend away. My parents stayed at my home, while we went, as we had booked it months before including tickets to things. After a hectic weekend it was straight back to work and then my daughter had the sickness bug from hell! Even at 21 she wanted me to look after her so with less than 2 hours sleep I worked a full day, and kept on top of my client work. To add insult to injury during this time I had a blocked drain and raw sewage in my garden. You really couldn't make it up and our local water company didn't arrive for over 48 hours! Most people would have being loosing their temper by this point, but as usual I just dealt with it.

By the middle of last week I realised I had worked 18 days without a full day off and was beginning to get irritated by anything and everything! Currently all my clients are lovely and I genuinely love the work I do, but when one client actually said I seemed more stressed than normal I realised that yes perhaps I was. I will never understand why rather than leave a voicemail message you will continually call someone up to 8 times in 20 minutes for something non-urgent! This seems to be becoming more of an issue recently. Personally I leave a message and am patient but in this age of instant access people seem to have an inability to be patient.  

It was one of those weeks and we all get them where everything I touched was not complicated and I couldn't complete it. I love structure and organisation, so this didn't help my stress levels! 

This week I feel refreshed after a day off. Yes I still got up at my usual time, but I had the time to do the things I needed to do without having to get back to check things that were supposed to send automatically had. 

As a freelancer it is easy to forget that you choose the hours you work and don't work, as most of my clients do need traditional working hours. I sometimes do start later in the morning but tend to revert to working traditional hours. I am very much a lark so by late afternoon I am ready to finish for the day and spend my evenings relaxing.

After a conversation yesterday it reminded me why I love being a freelancer I get to choose the hours I work. So this morning I needed to return some running shoes, rather than doing it Saturday.
Wednesdays and Thursdays tend to be slightly quieter than the rest of the week. I was out by 8.10am and at my desk by 9.45am. None of my clients knew and no work was missed. I already have non-negotiable times in my diary and I felt empowered by actually taking time to complete the job I needed to do. 

I have learnt a few lessons from these last few weeks.

• I am not superwoman!
• Grief hits you when you least expect it (I should know this as an ex-nurse we were taught about the stages of grief).
• Stick to your personal boundaries!
• Regular days off are essential and burning out is not an option.

I am hoping that by being honest, people will understand a little more about the real me and realise that when I work with clients I really do try to do my best.

  

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